I’m sitting in a house that is half empty and half mine and, mentally, I’m only half here – if that much. In-between times just suck.
Basically, I am taking care of all the details that are necessary to complete a successful time trip from here to the closing date for the house. That date is the 29th of this Month, just eleven more days. I know that the trip, the journey, is supposed to be the most fun. So far I’ve been dealing with everything pretty good but this one is beginning to wear just a little.
No matter how detached I try to be, watching my stuff leave by the pickup truck loads makes me a little bit queasy. It is kind of like going into shock very slowly. It is not getting rid of the “stuff” so much as it is turning loose of a sure, settled way of life.
On February 5, 2008 my house, and everything in it, was completely destroyed by a tornado. And I was in the house. I was buried underneath it in the rumble but I wasn’t really hurt. Three of my neighbors were killed so I was extremely lucky.
Still, it was traumatic. One minute I have a home, clothes, things I had accumulated over a lifetime; the next minute all I have is the clothes I have on – and they’re soaking wet, and it is freezing cold, and it’s pitch dark, and it’s raining down so hard it’s almost like being underwater.
Now, that was truly a case of shock. By the time I came out of it, I had bought a backpack and a plane ticket and I was in Ecuador. Oddly enough, I don’t remember much about the time “in-between”. It pretty much is all just a blur. I remember being in Panama. I remember seeing the Panama Canal. But I don’t remember getting to Panama or leaving Panama. It is sort of like watching a movie in my head that has a lot of missing pieces.
This time though the movie is running in slow motion. Everyday is an endless stream of details (did I mention I don’t do well with details?) In a crazy way, being hit by a tornado was easier. At least then I didn’t have to hassle with buyers, real estate agents, plumbers, carpenters and other repair people. And, it gave me this nice little cushion of “shell shock” that kept me insulated from the irritating in-between time.